I found this Walkerville Baptist Church 75th Anniversary pamphlet from 1987 in my School Day Treasures book. It captures the beliefs I was immersed in for the first 20 years of my life. The congregation was small, only about 100 people, mostly comprised of bitter deranged senior citizens, schizophrenics and others with severe emotional, mental and occupational problems.

It was only 10 years ago in the summer of 2000 that my mind began to fully break free from my Christian upbringing (the version stated in the Covenant below), and only in early 2003 that I stopped going to church completely though I was still living at home with my parents, finishing my degree at the University of Windsor.

Some days I’m still consumed by anger and frustration by memories of the backwards thoughts I was raised on. My mindset and behavior as a child reflected the instruction I had received from birth, that my first priority in life was to convert people to “believe” in Jesus Christ and that it would be better to die or be a martyr for Christ than to denounce him or give other things first place in my life.

I experienced a lot of social problems during elementary school, starting around 2nd grade and peaking in 5th and 6th grade. I spent my days those 2 years getting C’s and D’s in school, trying to disassociate from the harassment I felt from my peers, and going to sleep every night imagining different scenarios of dying or killing myself. Things got significantly better once I’d changed schools at the beginning of 7th grade and I was able to create a new persona for myself, but it’s not easy to forget those feelings of isolation, frustration and self-hatred I experienced so young.

My parents meant well, but the situation is what it is; the childhood foundation of my consciousness is a whole lotta pain and a LOAD OF HORSE SHIT! The best explanation I can come up with is that we’re all living in a rapidly changing world. My parents were nostalgic for the conservative 1950’s they grew up in and wanted things to be the same yesterday, today and forever. It’s ironic that their strict rules caused me to become so OBSESSED with secular art, media, fashion and youth culture novelties of the past 60 years.

Days like this, all I can do is punch walls, listen to Deicide and wait until the rage passes.

I’m glad bands like Deicide exist, because it helps.

2 Responses to “Covenant”

  1. On Freedom and Upbringing « RearViewMirror Says:

    […] a recent blogpost entitled “Covenant,” Tim explains the hatred he has for his past and his upbringing. I am always interested when […]

  2. Look Into My Eyes « Tim McCready Says:

    […] you want to know where I come from? I crawled out and up from underneath the garbage bin of life; Walkerville Baptist Church in Windsor, ON. Yet I’m a master of 101 skills with 1001 ideas that your dull burnt-out […]

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