As per my post from Saturday, I’ve said what I have to say about me being or acting like a crazy person, and I’d like to put that behind me and move forward with my life on a positive path. I wrote that “I apologize for nothing”, and that’s true, BUT I’d like to add a single solitary exception to that statement, and I think it’s important that I write about it here on my blog, rather than a private email because it has to do with a giant hate rant I wrote here on my blog awhile back. I’m done with trying to publicly shame people on my blog, because it reflects badly on me, and while I don’t mind the idea of people being afraid of purposely fucking me over with bad intentions in their hearts, and I can’t let everyone walk all over me anymore, I don’t want people to be afraid of being my friend, or of working with, or being involved with me in whatever way or another. In my life, I’m trying to sort out how to encourage people to feel and know that I’m both reliable and trustworthy (because I am), BUT that intentionally fucking me over isn’t worth the hassle (because it’s not)…
Ian Blurton, I’M SORRY that I wrote a giant hate rant about you. I don’t believe any of that stuff I wrote about you, which were the ranting and ravings of a madman who’d completely lost his shit. I may be a crazy motherfucker, maybe I’ve had some traumas in my life (we all do, c’est la vie), and yes I’m aware that I could be considered eccentric, hyperactive, and at times can be uncommonly intense (though I do not believe I’m actually chemically imbalanced), BUT I do my best, and in THAT SPECIFIC ERA OF MY LIFE I had completely lost my mind due to some legitimate problems beyond my control that were occurring in my living situation. In addition to those problems, a certain person who doesn’t need to be named, with the initials K.B. (is it Kevin Bacon? Kobe Bryant? Kate Bush? …the world will never know) was calling me and harassing me everyday telling me what I selfish drama-queen piece of shit I was, when I’d asked everyone in the world to leave me the fuck alone, and not only that but was PARTICIPATING and CONTRIBUTING to the main problem that was driving me insane, and then even going as far as taunting me “you can’t tell EVERYONE to fuck off” (I don’t need “friends” like that who are going to request and/or accept multiple favors from me, and then stomp on my face when I’m at my absolute lowest point) and you got caught in the crossfire of me trying to make the harassment stop. I don’t know, I don’t want to qualify an apology, because I don’t want it to be any less of an apology…but shit was fucked. This is embarrassing for me to write, but it needs to be said; I’m sorry. Really. You, your beard, and your guitar playing are mighty. Rock and Roll is very important to me, you bring the rock, and THAT nobody can deny. I’m sorry, and I don’t want you to think I’m a terrible person or that I harbor any bad feelings towards YOU, because I don’t. If you need to harbor bad feelings towards me and do think I’m a terrible person, that’s fair. I probably deserve that. …or maybe being the Rock ‘n’ Roll God you are, I’m so below your radar you don’t even know who I am or remember what I’m talking about; in which case, WHEW! I’m off the hook! YAHOOOOO!! Just kidding, I know I’m not off the hook… Either way, I’m sincerely sorry. I mean it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me, and my actions against you. I write this for all the world to read; I’M SORRY.
Playing that 4-song Feral Cell show with you over 2 years ago is one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had in my life, so thanks for that. And I’m sorry, period.
…but you still can’t use the name Feral Cell without me, because that’s something that I brought to the table. As for anyone and everyone else who I may have offended, you may all continue to go fuck yourselves.